"I see through your scamoflauge"

Alright. The hardest part of making artwork is having to explain the idea and intention behind it. So I'm just gonna be really fucking honest here:

1. I love hip-hop. I love the way it sounds, I feel the beat of it in my stomach and its almost impossible to not move to it when a good song comes on. This is a reference to SOME hip hop song and I don't even know who said it first. But its repeated over and over again in hip hop culture, so when I sit in my studio for 6 hours a day, 6 days a week these are the subliminal messages that are fed to me when I have on the music I really want to listen to. 

2. 6 years after being in a committed and monogamous relationship I made the decision that I needed to find me again. Finding me means that I have to explore the uncharted waters of casual dating, which is probably the weirdest learning experience of my life so far. My heart has been shit on a few times, and it's been cuuuhhh-razy hard to try to not apply past hurts to present relationships. So instead of over-thinking everything I make passive-aggressive art work thats mediocre at best. Here goes back to that thought from one of my former posts, "Sometimes I get the impression that I don't finish the things I have the most trouble facing"

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"Women"

This was the first piece of paper art I created and made myself finish. It's really interesting to be mindful of what I want to produce and how it seems to correlate with where I am in my life. I think most people struggle with anxiety and sometimes I really surprise myself with the dramas I choose to hold onto. 

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Mirrors arent meant for picking yourself apart

I remember when I was in high school, when my mom first got sober I would sit in my room and cut out little cartoon characters of my friends out of paper. Right after high school I moved to Wilmington and met a guy and fell so in love with him that I forgot all about who I was, and became his girlfriend, and not much more than that. 

It wasn't until I started this whole process that I was able to remember what I did before I tended bar, and before I became "the girlfriend"

I started on this one after having lunch with a friend of mine. She is absolutely gorgeous, young, talented and motivated. But her skin is a mess, and I get the feeling that its her form of self-harm. I saw a lot of what was a younger me in her scars and I think I needed to make this to tell myself that it's okay to look in the mirror and love what you see, warts and all. No more picking at myself, physically or mentally. I didn't finish it, but sometimes I get the impression that I don't finish the things that I have the most trouble with facing. 

A retraction of my former self

I started this blog with the intention of posting everything I made, and kind of making this a chronicle of my life and the evolution of my art. I can't say that I've done the best job keeping up with it, but I guess now is the best time to start with that whole process. I quit the only job I ever knew about six months ago, in a desperate attempt to force myself into a situation that left me hungry to produce (and hopefully...eventually) sell my art. The process has been, and will continue to be on-going and CERTAINLY not easy, but working with my hands is what I know... and I have ideas that are bigger than just posting a status on Facebook. I find that my process of making and producing is so cathartic that I make and add to to-do lists all the time. The work is never finished, and its the most freeing and therapeutic thing I've done to date. With all that being said, I started this whole thing thinking I was going to be a painter. I promised myself I was going to paint 100 paintings and then figure out where my style was, what I enjoyed painting the most, blah blah blah. I got to about 50 and really just felt like I wasn't doing what I wanted. The medium is SO much fun, but damn it sure is a hard thing to do. I'm not saying I quit painting, but I definitely have to be true to what I want to make and that's paper art. This whole life of ours is a body of work, so I'm just in the middle of one of my first chapters. So here goes nothin'...

Wrightsville Beach Sunset

This was fun to paint. Starting to see progress, and recognizing my rookie mistakes as I go. This needs a little more time and love given to it, but I'm please with how its going so far.
Oil on Canvas
11 X 14

Influential Bart Simpson

This past month has been a bit of a roller coaster for me. With the changing of the seasons, moving into a new studio space, and moving into a new house I've been struggling with where to put my energy. When I'm at home I feel like I need to be making and creating art, and when I'm at the studio I feel like I need to be packing. Needless to say, I've been unsure in a lot of forefronts. I decided to take the day to cut up little pieces of paper into Bart Simpson. I feel like this dude has it figured out, and never really complicates too much. A lesson I am forever in the conquest of learning.

I'm glad you were born

On the 4th was my dads birthday. He's been such a huge influence in my life, and is always pushing me to do a little more than I think I'm capable of. Dad, thank you for being patient and understanding and listening to me when I can find something to complain about. I painted a cupcake for his day, and I surprised myself by the end of it - I really like this one! Always learning, always gaining.

"I'm glad you were born"

Oil on Canvas